Have you ever found yourself saying:

“I literally just told you!”

“How could you forget your shoes again?”

“I’ve reminded you three times already.”

“Why do I have to keep repeating myself?”

If so, you’re certainly not alone.

For many families, forgetting everyday things can be one of the most frustrating parts of parenting. Children may leave their drink bottle at school, forget homework, lose their jumper, or walk into their bedroom only to forget why they went there in the first place.

It can look like they aren’t listening—or that they simply don’t care.

But in many cases, the real challenge isn’t listening at all.

It’s working memory.

At The Therapy Network (TTN), occupational therapists often support children, adolescents and young adults whose everyday independence is affected by executive functioning skills like working memory. Understanding how this skill works is often the first step towards reducing frustration and building confidence.

What Is Working Memory?

Working memory is one of the brain’s most important executive functioning skills.

It allows us to:

  • Hold information in our mind for a short period.
  • Use that information while completing a task.
  • Remember what we’re doing.
  • Keep track of multiple pieces of information.
  • Follow instructions.
  • Complete tasks in the correct order.

Think of working memory as your brain’s “mental sticky note.”

It temporarily holds information while you use it.

If that sticky note disappears too quickly, it’s easy to lose track of what you were meant to be doing.

What Does Working Memory Look Like in Everyday Life?

Children use working memory hundreds of times every day.

For example, they need it to:

  • Remember three instructions from a teacher.
  • Pack everything needed for school.
  • Complete a maths problem without forgetting the numbers.
  • Copy information from the whiteboard.
  • Remember where they left their drink bottle.
  • Finish getting dressed after becoming distracted.
  • Follow the steps in a recipe.
  • Remember what they went into a room to get.
  • Keep track of homework requirements.
  • Participate in conversations by remembering what someone has just said.

When working memory is challenged, even simple daily routines can feel overwhelming.

Signs Your Child May Be Finding Working Memory Difficult

Children may:

  • Forget instructions almost immediately.
  • Lose belongings regularly.
  • Leave tasks unfinished.
  • Need constant reminders.
  • Forget what they were doing.
  • Walk into a room and lose their train of thought.
  • Forget homework or school equipment.
  • Miss steps in routines.
  • Repeat the same mistakes.
  • Ask for instructions to be repeated.
  • Seem distracted even when they were paying attention.

These behaviours are often mistaken for laziness or carelessness, when in fact they reflect genuine executive functioning challenges.

Why Repeating Yourself Doesn’t Always Work

Many parents naturally respond by repeating instructions.

Unfortunately, more reminders don’t necessarily improve working memory.

Imagine someone asked you to remember:

  • A shopping list.
  • A phone number.
  • A meeting time.
  • Four separate instructions.

Now imagine trying to remember all of that while someone keeps adding more information.

Eventually, something has to fall off the “mental sticky note.”

That’s often what happens for children with reduced working memory.

By repeating instructions without changing the way information is presented, we may unintentionally overload the very system that’s already struggling.

It’s Not That They Weren’t Listening

One of the biggest misconceptions is that forgetting means a child wasn’t paying attention.

In reality, many children:

  • Hear the instruction.
  • Understand it.
  • Intend to do it.
  • Begin the task.

But before they complete it:

  • Something distracts them.
  • Another thought pops into their mind.
  • They move onto something else.
  • The original instruction disappears from working memory.

This is why children often seem genuinely surprised when adults remind them of what they forgot.

Working Memory Across Different Ages

Young Children (3–5 years)

Children are learning to:

  • Follow one or two-step instructions.
  • Remember simple routines.
  • Complete short activities.

Adult support is expected and appropriate.

Primary School (5–12 years)

School places increasing demands on working memory.

Children need to:

  • Follow multi-step instructions.
  • Remember homework.
  • Pack school bags.
  • Organise materials.
  • Complete classroom tasks independently.
  • Copy information accurately.

Working memory becomes critical for learning and classroom participation.

Adolescents (12–18 years)

Teenagers are expected to manage increasing independence.

Working memory helps them:

  • Keep track of assignments.
  • Remember assessment dates.
  • Organise school materials.
  • Manage extracurricular commitments.
  • Follow complex instructions.
  • Balance competing priorities.
  • Drive safely (where appropriate).
  • Remember appointments and responsibilities.

As expectations increase, working memory challenges often become more noticeable.

Young Adults (18–25 years)

Working memory continues to support independence in higher education, employment and community life.

Young adults rely on it to:

  • Meet work or university deadlines.
  • Manage calendars and appointments.
  • Organise finances.
  • Follow workplace procedures.
  • Complete household responsibilities.
  • Remember medications.
  • Manage multiple responsibilities at once.

Difficulties don’t disappear when school finishes—they simply look different.

Working Memory and ADHD

Working memory challenges are common in children, adolescents and young adults with ADHD.

They may:

  • Forget instructions.
  • Lose belongings.
  • Leave tasks unfinished.
  • Miss important details.
  • Need visual reminders.
  • Struggle with organisation.

Importantly, this is not because they aren’t intelligent.

Many children with ADHD understand information extremely well—they simply find it difficult to hold and manipulate that information while completing tasks.

Working Memory and Autism

Some autistic children and young adults may also experience working memory differences, particularly when:

  • Tasks involve multiple steps.
  • Instructions are delivered verbally.
  • The environment is busy or overwhelming.
  • Anxiety or sensory overload increases cognitive demands.

Supporting working memory often means reducing unnecessary mental load and creating predictable systems that make success more achievable.

How we as Occupational Therapists Can Help

Occupational therapists don’t aim to improve memory through repetition alone.

Instead, we help children develop strategies that reduce the demands placed on working memory while strengthening independence.

Support may include:

Building Executive Functioning Skills

Helping children improve:

  • Organisation
  • Planning
  • Task initiation
  • Self-monitoring
  • Flexible thinking

Using Visual Supports

Examples include:

  • Checklists
  • Visual schedules
  • Picture routines
  • Colour coding
  • Labels
  • Timetables
  • Whiteboards

Visual supports reduce the need to hold information in working memory.

Breaking Tasks Into Smaller Steps

Instead of saying:

“Go upstairs, brush your teeth, put on your pyjamas, pack your bag and feed the dog.”

Try:

  • Brush your teeth.
  • Great—now put on your pyjamas.
  • Fantastic—next, pack your bag.

Small, achievable steps reduce cognitive load and improve success.

Creating Predictable Routines

Consistent routines help transfer repeated tasks from working memory into long-term habits.

For example:

  • Bag packed beside the front door every evening.
  • Lunchbox emptied immediately after school.
  • Homework completed before screen time.
  • Keys, wallet and phone stored in the same place each day.

The less children have to remember, the more mental energy they have for learning and participation.

Environmental Supports

Simple changes can make a big difference:

  • Hooks for school bags.
  • Clearly labelled storage.
  • Visual calendars.
  • Timers.
  • Reminder alarms for older children and young adults.
  • Digital planners for adolescents and university students.

Family and School Collaboration

As Occupational therapists we  work alongside families, teachers and other professionals to create consistent strategies across home, school and community environments, helping children succeed wherever they are.

Supporting Working Memory at Home

Rather than asking:

“Why can’t you remember?”

Try asking:

  • Does my child need fewer instructions?
  • Could I show instead of tell?
  • Would a visual checklist help?
  • Is the environment distracting?
  • Have I broken the task into manageable steps?
  • Can we build this into a routine?

Supporting working memory is about making success more accessible—not expecting children to simply “try harder.”

Final Thoughts

If your child forgets instructions, loses belongings or needs frequent reminders, it doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t listening or don’t care.

Working memory is a complex executive functioning skill that continues developing throughout childhood, adolescence and into young adulthood. For many children, especially those with ADHD, autism or other neurodevelopmental differences, everyday tasks place heavy demands on this system.

At The Therapy Network (TTN), we believe that understanding the reason behind the forgetting is far more helpful than assuming a lack of effort. By identifying working memory challenges and providing practical, strengths-based strategies, occupational therapists help children, adolescents and young adults become more confident, organised and independent.

Sometimes the goal isn’t helping a child remember more—it’s helping them remember more easily.